Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Douche


This video has been going viral for the last few days, accompanied by the usual sneering at the apparently incurable douchiness of the "typical" Lambo driver, which I will have to take at face value since I've never met an actual Lamborghini driver. Beyond that, the only Lambos I've ever seen have usually been parked in the forecourt of collision centres, which might constitute something like definitive proof of the aforementioned douchiness.

It's hard not to laugh, really. The Lambo driver - whose ride is finished in what's widely referred to as "pussy magnet yellow" - gives his engine a gun while waiting at the red, apparently signaling his intention to "peel out" imminently, which is transformed into vainglourious failure when he accelerates too far into the turn and ends as the filler in a Lambo sandwich between a minivan and a sedan. There are a lot of videos like this out on the interweb, which suggests that there are thousands of people cruising around with their cameras and cell phones at the ready as soon as they spot a Murcialago or a Diablo in the wild, enjoying its brief moment of liberty between the dealer's showroom and the auto body shop.

The real wonder of the video is that it was filmed in suburban Chicago - Ferris Bueller-land - and not the national douche preserves of Los Angeles or Greater Miami-Dade County. Once you absorb that, it's hard not to imagine Cameron Frye in the Lambo, nearly forty-five now, and finally out from under the shadow of Ferris and his dad. 

The Lambo is leased, and until he blew the turn, he was celebrating the end of years of therapy, but as soon as the car came to a shuddering stop and he looked up to see the whole Martinez family glaring at him from inside the minivan, his mind was filled with the image of the broken 250 GT Spider California nestled amidst the broken branches. As the police helped him squeeze out of the Lambo's scissor door, all they heard him say was "I should have gotten the Chrysler 300."


I laughed. Of course I did. But it was a cautious laugh, even a shameful one, since I have absolutely no guarantee that I wouldn't do the same thing. Hell, I might do it if I was behind the wheel of a Lamborghini, but I have a deep, abiding fear that I'd be just as capable of the same gross public fail in a Mazda 2 or a Toyota Yaris.

That's the thing - with no history of road skills to speak of, my mocking laugh is a display the worst sort of unearned spite.

1 comment:

  1. I've lived in Miami-Dade County and truly love the place. The people, in general, are not douches. That said, the drivers are truly horrific.

    The very worst of them drive vehicles with loose cargo that is not properly secured or tarped down. Either the cargo lands in the road, in which case you take your life in your hands swerving to avoid it, or it hits you directly in your windshield. Either way, not good.

    ReplyDelete